March 2006: Idolatry

For the other inhabitants of my workplace, the new season for obsessive "American Idol" watching has begun.

Somehow, it is not heretical for Christian fundies to devote themselves to an Idol.

Cruella and Jesus' Best Administrative Assistant do extensive analysis after each episode. Jesus' BAA ventures an opinion—"I like Lisa"—and is instantly put in her place by Cruella: "She's not special enough!" Jesus' BAA persists, trying to assert her value in both office hierarchy and as a wise judge of Idol material: "Give her a couple of years to grow up: she's just 16, she could be really special in a couple of years..."

The awesome (Cruella's word for the ones she likes) talent on display is something I avoid subjecting myself to. But I can't avoid week after week of hearing Cruella and Jesus' BAA do their commentaries and comparative ranking of "Paris"-"Kevin"-"Bucky"- et. al...

"If it's Country, that's good for Bucky and Kelly...Taylor did exactly what he said he would do..."

And there's the absorption in voting: yes, plenty of others have observed that more 'Murkans vote for an Idol than for political offices. Regrettably, Cruella and Jesus' BAA also vote in those other elections—for the biggest crooks and bullies the Republicans dredge up each cycle.

This month, the always classy Nino "Fascism with Flair" Scalia delivers a Fuck You to critics – in a Boston cathedral, no less. This is reported by the Archdiocese photographer who snapped Scalia's Sicilian gesture and heard the comment.

The photographer is promptly fired. [And by now, the Boston Herald has pulled most of the story from free access, but there's this.]

Of course, the Bush regime sends FUs to us all, every day.

Then there's the occasional event that would be big news—if only we had news.

Yet there are still those who persist in doing journalism. Charlie Savage reports on Bush's just-signed "Patriot Act" re-authorization. Signed with an addendum that "he did not feel obliged to obey requirements [to] inform congress about how the FBI was using the act's expanded police powers."

Throughout the years of this regime, there are frequent odd events around the country that show what happens when local authorities get drunk on Homeland Security cash; when the regime is quietly launching a trial balloon; or some combination of the two. These stories usually stay local, with few, if any, observers to connect them to larger events. But occasionally they're striking enough to be picked up by larger outlets.

An Alaska fishing village spends over $200,000 in Homelandization funds to install 80 surveillance cameras monitoring the 2400 residents. Some residents petition local government to remove the privacy-invading devices. The project is the brainchild of the town's mayor, who outlines for the LA Times reporter a scenario in which a Russian nuclear device is dropped at the harbor by 'maybe Mafiosi,' who ship it to Seattle, then: "'Phoooom,' he says, his hands blooming like a flower."

And the Washington Post reports Fairfax County is participating in "a White House pilot program to analyze wastewater from communities throughout the Potomac River Basin for the urinary byproducts of cocaine."

Eyewitness Muse suggests that area residents "Stand up for Liberty: Piss in Your Yard". And he concludes

...with ballooning deficits and growing poverty in America our priorities have gone straight to the shitter. Actually, this may be a good thing. Because that is the one place we might locate what Bush has done with our Bill of Rights.

Taylor—every woman's dream man, according to Cruella—becomes Idol. He is voted Idol, that is. But what comes after that? Is he crowned? Apotheosized? I have no understanding of how this metamorphosis of ordinary into Idol works.

One day at a supermarket checkout, I see this. The reason for the middle aged right-wing ladies' overstimulation is finally clear: they have found their answer to George Clooney!

Attraction to celebrity has a very long history, but I have to assume that higher standards of the past—those of an Oscar Wilde, say—could only rate the current mass-produced idols vapid and untalented.

Ah well, Oscar: some of us are trying to keep an eye on what's happening in the gutter, while also trying to look at the stars.

The rest gaze at the awesome stars of Idol.