Truth Strikes Again

If only there were a rule that Time is allowed to waste ink if one particular name on its "100 Most Influential People" gets to speak publicly. But to this select gathering at least, Colbert was invited to do the event's speech.

He proceeded, most satisfyingly, to give it to cardinal—

...perhaps the most influential person on the list is here, Sara Blakely. The inventor of the Spanx....

No one, no one has done more to control women's bodies, except maybe Cardinal Dolan.

And to give it to Koch—

Of course, all of us should be honored to be listed on the TIME 100 alongside the two men who will be slugging it out in the fall: President Obama, and the man who would defeat him, David Koch.
...
Little known fact, David's brother Charles Koch is actually even more influential. Charles pledged $40 million to defeat President Obama, David only $20 million. That's kind of cheap, Dave.

Sure, he's all for buying the elections, but when the bill for democracy comes up, Dave's always in the men's room. I'm sorry, I must have left Wisconsin in my other coat.

I was particularly excited to meet David Koch earlier tonight because I have a Super PAC, Colbert Super PAC, and I am -- thank you, thank you -- and I am happy to announce Mr. Koch has pledged $5 million to my Super PAC. And the great thing is, thanks to federal election law, there's no way for you to ever know whether that's a joke.