July 2005: VIP Service

This month brings the changing of the guard—longtime department chair Dr. Gott retires to his research, and his replacement, Dr. G. Zuss, arrives.

Although Dr. G. Zuss doesn't bring along his own person, he could replace Jesus' Best Administrative Assistant, should he get the urge. So, Jesus' BAA is frantic to prove herself indispensable.

She comes in early, leaves late, takes 10-minute lunches...

Fresh from an institution elsewhere in the country and not knowing the landscape (and landmines) here, Dr. G. Zuss is content to have a dogged gatekeeper, who is always to be seen at her desk. From there she controls access to him, orders his lunches, and does whatever she can think of to dazzle him.

But give Jesus' BAA an inch and she will overstep miles...

As the family gets settled in their locale, Dr. G. Zuss talks of planning summer outings with Mrs. Dr. G. Zuss and the kids.

Jesus' BAA bursts out with an offer: she can babysit the kids and take them to a Friday event in her town, so the Dr. and Mrs. will have a night to themselves.

I clamp my mouth tight, to keep from screaming, "Don't let those kids anywhere near her!"

But there's no need to intercede. Dr. G. Zuss face changes to an apparent mild exasperation, but he says nothing.

In the future, this is something I will see often, and not only in response to weirdness from Jesus' BAA. Dr. G. Zuss often suppresses a reaction when underlings (including me) speak; it seems he is simply startled at being spoken to by an inferior, and does not deign to respond.

The non-response to her offer of an evening's indoctrination of his children is only a momentary setback for Jesus' BAA, who redoubles her efforts to please.

After noting what's a hit at her first executive lunch order, she phones catering—"What's the name of those bars with the coconut-chocolate-nut filling?" She records the answer for her rolodex. Then, ordering two trays full of sugary overkill, she sounds about to swoon—gasping out, "they're my boss' favorite!"

By the end of the month, she's glowing with martyrdom to the point of wandering into my space and picking up work of mine to do! She can have it (all of it!), as much as I care... But she sure looks ready to be Raptured™ away at any moment!

If only... And if so, it can't be too soon for me.

It's just a good thing that Jesus' BAA is safely married, or she would begin making slips à là Condi Rice: "My husb - I mean, Dr. Zuss..."


It has been ordained by the upper reaches of the University: major job reclassification began on July 1. All persons in secretarial jobs now have a title other than "secretary." This because there had been murmurs of a union organizing drive—hey, presto!—if there are no "secretaries," they can't be organized by the union that would have represented them. Of course, this takes care of the vast majority of women working for the University.

Not that the danger of secretaries here joining a union was ever high: even if most are less insane than Jesus' BAA, they usually are like her in being very self-identified with their masters.

But management is taking no chances, so "secretaries" are no longer seen on campus. Except for pretty much every day; when I look at job announcements, the listings cleared by HR include this supposedly non-existent job. It's OK for the disappeared title to stick around—just as long as no one can claim it as a reason to join a union.


Later in July, John Aravosis writes about executive decisions of the kind with deadly consequences—Bush admin may be responsible for botching effort to thwart London bombing.

According to British officials, the London transport bombings had been planned for the last two years, and a year ago, they were forced to hastily arrest a dozen of the plotters. But others got away, having been tipped off by a Bush Terra Alert— timed to follow the 2004 Democratic convention.

Juan Cole's August 2004 piece, The Outing of Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan: State of Play, outlines how the cover of an al-Qaeda double-agent reporting to the British was destroyed. Tom Ridge's August 1, 2004 announcement of "an unusually specific" threat against named buildings in the NY financial district, Newark, and DC clued the press to discover and report the agent's name. Which then led the British to make the premature arrests.

Since the London bombings, Cole's update: The Ghost of Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan.

Upon catching side-by-side international cable news shows a couple of days after July 7, Bob Harris reports on Media after the London bombings: compare and contrast—

One of these things is not like the other. One [CNN International] is constant, constant fear-pandering. The other [BBC World Service] -- from the country that actually suffered the bombings, no less -- is still reporting something resembling actual news, with something resembling a dose of actual perspective.

And so far, nobody on the CNN show seems to have realized that a London crammed with security cameras seemingly every few feet... didn't keep the bombing victims safe at all...

Harris points to the deceptiveness of CNN's message, in "advocating measures which attack our freedom much more directly than anything a terrorist can do."

And in a statement sadly unthinkable for our own political class, London mayor Ken Livingstone says of the attack—

It was aimed at ordinary, working-class Londoners, black and white, Muslim and Christian, Hindu and Jew, young and old. It was an indiscriminate attempt to slaughter, irrespective of any considerations for age, for class, for religion, or whatever.

...Londoners will not be divided by this cowardly attack. They will stand together in solidarity alongside those who have been injured and those who have been bereaved and that is why I'm proud to be the mayor of that city.

And ending with words directed to the terrorists—

In the days that follow look at our airports, look at our sea ports and look at our railway stations and, even after your cowardly attack, you will see that people from the rest of Britain, people from around the world will arrive in London to become Londoners and to fulfil their dreams and achieve their potential.

...They flee you because you tell them how they should live. They don't want that and nothing you do, however many of us you kill, will stop that flight to our city where freedom is strong and where people can live in harmony with one another. Whatever you do, however many you kill, you will fail.