July 2006 (I): Invitation

Photo: etsyapril

An envelope appears on my desk. In the handwriting of Jesus' Best Administrative Assistant, addressed to "[My Name] and Guest."

Enclosure #1 is a printed card:

Two lives, two hearts
Joined together in friendship
United forever in love.
It is with joy that we,
Elly May Xxxxx
and
Sonny Xxxxx
Invite you to share in a celebration of love
As we exchange our marriage vows
[date/time/church location]
Cake Reception to follow in the Fellowship Hall

"Cake Reception"...? Clever Sister informs me this is a Southern Baptist rite: cheap sheet cake and fruit punch, which eliminates booze and the expense of a meal, while allowing the family to demand gifts.

Jesus' BAA seems to be in some sect that perhaps stops short of snake-handling, but includes glossolalia. [Although wouldn't the deaf parishioners have to sign in tongues?] But the cheapness and alcohol phobia definitely fit.

Enclosure #2 is an 8 1/2 by 11 sheet [done on the office printer?]: the couple's photo, with groom's smiling display of his bad teeth. Below the photo—

Sonny is the son of Sonny Xxxxx and Jesus' Best Administrative Assistant.
Sonny is pursing a career in network administration.

[Translation: he's struggling to not flunk out of community college.]

Elly May is the daughter of ...
Elly May is pursing a career in sales with Lia Sophia jewelry.

A "career" in home sales parties! And she's being "mentored" in this by Jesus' BAA, who's been doing these parties.

Though Clever Sister suspects this is what she's really selling.

A NYT "Weddings" page power couple, this ain't. Though since the bridal shower, the gift begging has become slightly more ambitious:

Sonny and Elly May are registered at Sears (Sears.com)...[local chain]...Target (Target.com) and Mikasa (Mikasa.com).

The wedding is at the end of the month. Typically, Jesus' BAA is only taking a couple of days off, so is available to be annoying throughout most of July.

Which is when there's a huge local story—Google has announced plans to open a facility in town...and the residents are bewitched by visions of dollar signs dancing before their eyes. It sounds like there will be only a handful of jobs, but a large segment of town seems to believe they personally are about to be hired. And the real estate owning types expect Google will buy their particular piece of property.

I know about this because people are blogging furiously, and Clever Sister has been sending me links. Then, this arrives from CS:

Does anyone have information on where Google is interviewing or on how to apply? There is nothing on the Google website indicating they have openings.
—[signed with first name identical to that of Jesus' BAA]

CS' reaction—

Is it her? If u are too stooped to figgur how to apply don't...

Jesus' BAA most certainly would believe she can get Sonny a job—she sees herself as a first-rate expert who knows exactly how things are done in the professional world.

But I think it's too unlikely the post would be hers. Her name isn't all that uncommon, for one thing. But mainly, I don't see her finding her way to an "urban" blog—who knows what kind of heathens might be hanging around there, after all.

But Clever Sister is convinced that the post is really from Jesus' BAA. CS goes into action, replying to the poster of the question about interviews—

If you can't figure out to apply maybe you or your family should not bother?
—Larry & Sergey

That post is followed by a helpful person, John Q, who offers a link to the job postings.

Followed by a reply—

John Q,
Are you forgetting your Darwin?
—Larry & Sergey

24 hours later, CS says about the thread:

So far, since yesterday, L&S have the last word!
They must think that was really from L&S and Google won't build here if they reply!

In other news this month, C.I.A. Closes Unit Focused on Capture of bin Laden . Mission Accomplished, no doubt. And bin Laden certainly has served his purpose when there's been the need to fill the media with a boogeyman.

And as Jonathan Schwartz observes, We're Making Real Progress! Comparing remarks by Bush slightly before the Iraq invasion with some after the mid-month G-8 meeting—

You see, he's learning! ...Bush doesn't know who or where different kinds of Muslims are. But still, after a brief 5 years of our "war on terror," he has learned they exist!

And Bush vetoes stem cell legislation—to date, his only outright veto.

Because, the transcript says, science "offers temptations to manipulate human life and violate human dignity"...

Something Bush and crew are already doing only too well on their own.